Just....stop.

I've decided that I have to do this...I may hurt feelings of some but it has to be said.

Some of you know this some of you don't but I -like many others unfortunately- have been a victim of dating/domestic violence from the ages of 15-17. It was never physically abusive but if I had stayed in the relationship it would've become physical. For me the abuse I suffered was verbal, emotional/mental, I was with someone who was completely different when we first started dating - nice, caring, a little wacky but someone who I enjoyed spending my time with.

After the first year of being together however...things started to change. He CHOSE to become homeless and CHOSE to become involved in drugs. I also noticed that he had underlying mental disorders, well I kinda knew about them beforehand but, they were deeper than I suspected. I had wanted to break up with him for quite sometime but was afraid to do so- first off because of what he could do to me, friends would choose sides (which they did) and what I was most afraid of was what he would do to himself. I finally broke up with him shortly before my senior year of high school and it took its toll on me because I had lost people who I THOUGHT were my friends and lost contact with those who really were my friends because of him and because I decided to stay with him. The year after breaking up was the toughest, I became reclusive, gained a large amount of weight and became depressed. Lately I've been looking back - not dwelling- because a few of my friends now are involved in the same kind of relationship I had. I know what its like to have someone try to control you and hold stuff over your head and make things that aren't your fault SEEM like your fault because they can't look in the mirror themselves and don't want to deal with their own issues and want to play the victim. At the age we are now (most of us are in are mid to late twenties) we shouldn't have to deal with this and it needs to stop. If you feel trapped in a relationship GET OUT NOW, if its abusive- either it be verbally, physically, emotionally and even sexually GET OUT NOW! You have a support system that will help you get through the tough parts. NO ONE deserves to be treated like that. If you feel trapped and don't know how to end it TALK TO US! That's what friends are for after all!

I hope all of you who see this are appreciative and not defensive.

Must love books.

Recently at work an old co-worker came in and we shot the shit for awhile and she told me how funny I was and how I need to make a "manual'' on what I look for and how a potential mate should deal with me...So I've decided to do it.

Name: Winter Lee H. Scriven

Female, 27 years old, blue eyes, dark brown hair, 5'6 - who cares about weight. And I'm white.

Hobbies: Reading, writing, going to museums, arts and craft type things, buying things that I don't need but buy them because they have an owl on them, blogging, I like fotbal (soccer for you Americant's).

What I look for in a mate: A guy (Yes, I'm straight - contrary to popular belief- Sorry ladies) who can carry on a conversation, Has to be taller than me, Has to be around my age or older, Liberal (socially anyway...) Someone who likes having A LOT of books about history/the Holocaust around. I also generally date whitey. Someone who is abusive in ANY way.

What I DON'T look for in a mate: Arrogance, intolerance, bigotry, complete druggie (if you smoke weed and drink but not full blown alcoholic that's cool), Just don't be a tool.

Some of MY faults: Can be selfish at times, loud, straight forward- don't sugar coat a lot of things, VERY outspoken (sometimes I don't care who I offend), bad temper, Space cadet, I like my alone time so someone who is clingy would really get on my nerves.

What I expect out of a relationship: Look, I'm 27...I'm not looking for someone who is just looking for a 'fling'- its going to be a long term thing. I'm not into 'open' relationships if you're with me- be with me- not into threesomes nor am I polyamorous. I'm an introvert at heart so I do like to have 'me' time every once in awhile- nothing against you just how I am. You'll also have to put up with my craziness. As for potential marriage goes- I am not going to get married until everyone is able to get married, why should I be able to marry only because I'm straight?? And don't ask me to marry you right off the bat- it takes about a year and a half to get used to someone.

That's all I can think of...

Short Changing

I recently saw the documentary "Waiting for Superman"- for a second time- and it really pissed me off and saddened me. It also made me think about my time in grammar, junior high and high school and how I (and other children) were and ARE being shortchanged regarding education. For the most part I had good teachers throughout grammar school, My 4th/6th grade teacher (had the same guy for those two grades) specifically was extremely dedicated to his students. I also really liked my 3rd grade teacher but...this is me we're talking about so of course there's a few who I had/have problems with well, scratch that- had problems with the school.

Here's the story- in third grade I started to have problems with math, the teacher was spending too much time explaining stuff to me so there was a parent teacher conference and you know what happened in that conference? The school wasn't too concerned with my difficulties in math...they were more concerned with the fact that I had picked up my moms New Jersey accent (said 'warsh" instead of "wash" stuff like that). After which I was put into a speech class- nothing to help me with math. This set in motion a long time of being screwed over by the education system of this country. I was also put into what they called 'resource' classes in which I was with kids who were in the same grade as me yet...they could barely read. I had NO problem reading or with comprehension but the 'higher ups' at school were convinced I had problems with other things (which, like I stated before I DIDN'T). I'm not knocking kids who had difficulty reading but I DIDN'T BELONG THERE. During this time I was also in a small group of kids whose parents were divorced or separated and we had to hold a wand and "talk about our feelings" - I would of much rather had help with my academics...personally. Of course my parents fought with them (my mom did mostly) I think being in those classes did more harm then good. I felt like I was a less productive student- and I think the school wanted it that way. Also most of the staff couldn't pronounce my first OR last name -either called me 'Winter" or something else stupid like that.

Moving on to junior high...I can't tell you how many of my teachers at Laguna Middle School were shitty teachers. They either hated kids, or were just so burnt out that it was useless to them to even try. During the first week of school I was actually pulled from a 'mainstream' english class and put into a 'resource' class in which the teacher (I'm pulling no punches and naming names!) Mr. Kirby treated us like we were 5...no joke. He had us do assignments that were useless and didn't help with anything. The home economics teacher Miss Young...was more concerned with the stupid dress code they had there than treating her students with the slightest bit of respect, it was bull. One day I remember was when I was in class and had to bend over my desk, suddenly I felt something on my back I turn around and its her with a stupid ruler measuring how much of my midriff was showing. I didn't get a tap on the shoulder and told "Excuse me but I noticed you're showing a little bit more skin than you should, be sure to be aware I know it may seem like a silly rule to the students but its our rules." No...I got some high and mighty woman who obviously had control issues TOUCH ME UNWILLINGLY and talk down to me like an idiot. I ended up leaving the 8th grade because I got really depressed and got home schooled.

High School...

High school was probably the biggest crock of bull shit I've ever experienced HOWEVER...I attended two high schools- so my beef is with San Luis High. First off yet again I was put into 'resource' classes. My math teacher was so old she didn't realize she had dog shit on her shoe for three days straight ALSO she was so disliked by students (and probably by faculty) that no one told her about it. She was unclear about her teaching and didn't explain how to do things just expected us to know it. But my main problem was with Mr. Porter. This guy was the shittiest of the shittiest he was head of the special education department there and was the biggest tool. Again I was yanked from 'mainstream' classes BY HIM and put in classes where I was obviously smarter than most of the kids (not trying to rail on anyone but its the truth). He was insanely religious and often brought it into class (he was also part of the Christian group). He was teaching a 'history' class one semester and it was supposed to be about Russia and all this guy did was talk about how horrible Communists/Communism is and showed us slides of a trip he took there in 1986...but that's small in comparison to what happened next...I (a student) had to tell him (the teacher) WHAT COMMUNISM WAS! THEN HE TRIED TO ARGUE WITH ME ABOUT IT...Look sir, Both my parents fancied themselves Communists 'back in the day' AND I READ ABOUT IT A LOT- I also explained to him that what's on paper IS completely different that how it was/is applied in countries (such as Russia). We DIDN'T learn about the Czars, we DIDN'T learn about the people WE DIDN'T LEARN ANYTHING EXCEPT for how horrible it was there under "Communist rule". EVERY SINGLE CHILD who had classes with him WAS SHORT CHANGED in their EDUCATION. After this I was totally fed up with SLO High and then transferred over to Pacific Beach. A better decision couldn't have been made. The four teachers I had there Mr. Kirk, Mrs. Newman, Mrs. Jacobsen and Mr. Pearson EXCEPT THE PRINCIPLE MR. SAN FILLIPO WHO WAS A HUGE JERK AND DIDN'T RESPECT ANY OF THE STUDENTS AND WAS EXTREMELY RUDE TO THEM ANY CHANCE HE GOT!!! (Sorry but that had to be added) were SO dedicated to their students and connected with them, granted there were only about 60 students who attended but they deserve to be applauded for their efforts. But unfortunately I was so burnt out by being screwed by schools that I didn't apply myself the way I should of.

Now that I'm in college bad teachers are few and if there is a bad teacher I can AVOID him or her (most of the time). But I am still concerned about the education in this country, I have two younger siblings and I fear that they'll be short changed as well. First off I don't think elementary/junior high and high school teachers shouldn't be given tenure so quickly. We all know how long it takes professors to become tenured but some lower level teachers get it in as little as two years- and some (not all) get the attitude "Well, I'm tenured so I don't care if you learn anything or not." This is a HUGE problem. Also I have a problem with some teachers unions (yes me...the bleeding heart liberal has a problem with a union). The AFT or American Federation of Teachers is one union I have a problem with. They see a teacher as a teacher -no matter if that teacher is bad OR good. This is a problem...They're also so threatened by change (being able to fire teachers or only tenuring teachers who perform well) that they refuse to have dialog with many school districts. Tenure isn't something to be thrown around- You can rape nuns on the front lawn of your school and not get fired that's how set in stone it is.

I know not all teachers are shitty and I am ONE student who had many problems but I'm not the only one. Many students are being short changed in their educations, EVERY SINGLE CHILD IN THIS COUNTRY and around the world deserves AN EXCELLENT education. The more people who pay attention and get involved in not just yours or your child's or friends or whom ever's education the more this crisis (because it is) can be solved.

Marriage, love, relationships and Why I Hate Valentines Day.

I was going to make this post about how much I hate Valentines Day but I've decided to make it about all things love wise! Also I AM NOT signaling any one person out- so don't internalize it.

Even though I do in fact hate Valentines Day I have been sucked into it on occasion for instance - I used to buy my little brother and sister baskets filled with all the pink, red and white shit they sell but, I did it mainly because I like to make them happy and enjoy seeing them enjoy it. Anyway most know my stance on marriage - I think everyone should be allowed to get married (human wise that is). Gay marriage isn't going to make the sky fall, and religion needs to keep its nose out of business it has no part in, and for that reason I have myself made the decision not to get married until everyone else can- if that never happens then...whatever I'm not in a hurry. I'm also not one of these people who marks their first week together or second week or blah blah blah....who cares if you've been a couple for 72 hours. I also don't understand why some people get so clingy. As an introvert this really makes me uneasy...space and alone time can be a wonderful thing but if you have someone going "HEY! where you going? What you doing!?! Can I come?!?!" Look, everyone has their own shit to do and you can't be around that person all the time. To me it signals huge trust issues (duuuhh). Also if you're going to fight, fight on your own time. Don't go online and bitch each other out in front of everyone no one cares and no one wants to hear it, it makes you both look like idiots...and attention whores not to mention immature. Lastly, in almost every relationship the thought of children comes up. I have seen so many people throughout my adult life have kids that they don't deserve. Having children is NOT a relationship saver nor are they accessories. If you have a child to save a relationship you're an moron, its going to make things worse - trust me. Plus don't have a kid if you can't afford it...please. Be respectful of each other, don't be a constant victim, take some criticism and just keep calm in dark times no matter how hard it might be...that's my advice for the day.

When Shit Comes Home to Roost

As all know a horrible thing happened this past Saturday in Arizona. If you don't I suggest you crawl out from your sewer and turn on the news....with that being said I didn't make a post during or immediately following the incident because I really don't want this to be a slew of words mashed together (which I have a tendency to do) nor did I want it to be like one of my 'normal' rants and I had a lot of things going through my head that needed to be filtered - Who did it, Why did someone do it, HOW did it happen- pretty much everything everyone else was experiencing. As more information has come out people have begun to point fingers at who they think have blood on their hands. A sheriff has come out to say that Arizona has become a hot bed due to the Presidential election of 2008, immigration, gun control, and health reform...but none of these topics warrant the decision that was made by those who committed this act, normal people know this but as we all know over the past 2 years the political climate here has become very volatile.

I am not going to point my finger at any one person who I think might be at fault because lets face it, the only person directly at fault is the shooter and his suspected accomplices. BUT I do think some people who are in the public eye have a hand in fueling the fire that rested in the killers belly and yes I think one of those who did this is none other than Sarah Palin (the others being Glenn Beck, and Michelle Bachmann). For the past 2 years Obama has been in office these three in particular have been the voice for groups like the "tea party" and the "birther movement". Like I keep pointing out I don't want to sit here and play the blame game but its hard when you have people making pictures of districts that need to be "taken back" and the districts are represented by cross hairs...you know the ones you see when looking through an assault rifle, you also have this guy on TV with his chalk board who writes insane things on it (most of the time not making any sense at all) who cries because he "fears for his country". THEN you have this woman who has told her supporters things like "Be armed and dangerous" referring to an Obama administration cap and trade tax policy that limits greenhouse gases. These kinds of actions plant seeds inside people. But when asked about these damaging phrases they back track and hide behind an amendment that they know nothing about "I didn't mean it that way...it was a metaphor" I'm going to be straight forward and be mean by saying that I think the types of people who cling to every word these three (as well as others like them) say are less educated than others...and yes some are flat out bigoted buffoons.
I'm not just pointing the finger at the GOP and tea baggers...the democrats are just as guilty. Instead of trying to out wit these people they have fired back with some of the same rhetoric. BOTH parties should have nipped this bullshit in the bud ASAP. But they didn't...instead they chose to keep turning the dagger and making jabs. Then there's the media who has over sensationalized things over and over and over again most of the time making them seem a lot worse than they are. We need to STOP this. The Republicans need to come out to the public and denounce these people - so do the Democrats. The hippy part of me wants everyone to shut up and listen...and look around. Its true us liberals viciously attacked George Bush over and over again but look at what happened during his presidency - two wars, massive debt, restrictive on social issues (gay rights, stem cell research etc). Obama isn't perfect -far from it- but he is trying to make this country work. He isn't a Muslim (and so what if he was), wasn't born in Kenya, and he isn't a Socialist NOR a Nazi. He is a human being like all of us. Its time we started to act like it. WE need to take a step back and look at ourselves. My mom says that my generation has back tracked on everything her generation did during the 60's and 70's and I'm starting to believe her. The youth of this country has a lot of swing to it IF we get our shit together and WE have to inhabit this world WE have to work and live with all types of people some good, some bad. It doesn't seem like it but I try to show everyone with respect (you should always treat the garbage man the same way you would treat the Queen of England) and I know it gets hard but lets try to change this.

What ever happened to the classy (American) girl?

First things first...I haven't been on this thing for quite sometime, like most people I have fallen prey to the sick and twisted world that is Facebook BUT...Facebook has a word limit so I can't go on my usual rants ( I have to make them short rants). ANYWAY...I have decided to use this so I can go on my usual rants (screw making notes on FB).

This post mainly deals with a problem that has been pestering me for quite sometime - the decline of the classy girl.

The classy girl was an essential figure in society for years and years (centuries even) but her habitat is unfourtunatly being destroyed by the ever present overly tan, shitty make up wearing, spitting in face, loudmouth reality star common trash (scientific name Trashious New Jersious). The classy girl knows how to act in all situations - although as we all know she has had to change certain things (humor/clothes etc) as time itself has changed but she has always remained good natured. She uses her tact and witt instead of fists and battles numbskulls with the education she has recieved not the spit in her mouth. She speaks in full sentences not in some mutant form of ebonics. My question is WHY have we let this divine woman fall prey to the infectious piles of human waste that inhabit shows like "Jersey Shore" "Jersylicious" and "Bad Girls Club" (there are more but these are the main offenders). I thought "The Simple Life" with Paris Hilton was bad...My goodness what has happened?!
Look, as most know I am a huge advocate of women's rights and I don't think a woman belongs in the kitchen...you know barefoot and pregnant...but when people speak of 'class' we tend to think of a woman who is elegant and put together not the piece of trash that inhabit our TVs. I mean when did it become the norm to spit on each other? Wear horrible looking clothes that show waaaaaay more than we need to see? Wear make up that makes you look like a whore?? AND WHY ARE THESE FLOOZIES SO POPULAR?? I understand its like a car crash - its messed up but you can't take your eyes off it. But those of us girls who have tact and CLASS need to stick together and stick up for each other not the whores that make ALL women look bad.